The Painful Truth

I have had to write to an organization about a volunteer program that I was working with. I was invited to another assigment....post-stroke. As a goal, I decided to accept the assigment. I decided that I would work on my professional skills needed for a survey.

I had my stroke on October 2008 and I have aphasia and apraxia. Not sure if you know about aphasia, but here goes – injury to the language centre that influences speech, writing, reading and processing time (auditory cortex). I have been working on my language skills. I am intelligent and versed in quality management systems for the laboratory.

I have working on my language skills since January 2009. And, I not the best I can be! The program was an intensive program, which was the hardest work I ever have done....but, worth it! I have come from words to eloquent (okay, I'm exaggerating, but I'd had impressing improvements!).

However, it is a slow process to recover language skills. Geez, I have been in an intensive language since January 2009! Although my language skills have improved greatly, I am not ready to work in my old job, teaching OR survey solo.

It pains me to say that I‘m not ready. The survey in May was my goal to practice my professional language skills (orally and written) and show that I am ready to work again.......in the laboratory, teaching and volunteer surveying.

After practicing and a heart to heart discussion with Square, I know that my speech, reading and writing is not good enough to communicate without a companion or editing. Of course, the time is an issue too.....to explain my observations in written word takes time. And, taking time takes energy. And, energy affects fatique and fatigue is my enemy.

My reading is slow and it would take time to comprehend the documents of my profession (okay, after 30 years, I know, but medical technology keeps growing.

Although, I am motivated to take the time to understand what I read, but that takes energy and fatigue is my enemy.

In my best day, my speech is good enough to ask questions, with most people thinking I am French.

But, fluency of speech takes energy and fatigue is my enemy.

Then, there is the pressure of the survey itself….5 days from 6 am to 6 pm and preparing for the next day. Pressure saps energy and fatigue is my enemy.

I need more time to be the best I can. When I know I can do it for the first time, I would like to have an experienced surveyor shadow me.

BUT, I feel that is possible!

The above was brainstorming for a letter that I had to write. These are the things that I worry about for going to work again. I think that other people with aphasia will share these issues.

When I found that I have aphasia, I couldn't believe it.....I didn't know what aphasia was! When I came home from Rehabilitative Centre, I "Google" for "aphasia" to see what was in store for me. Will I ever work again? Will I have disability? Will I need help in my life routines? Blah, Blah, Blah......